Do You Ever Wonder If God Is Good Or Bad
Do you ever wonder if God is good or bad? I know there have been times in my life I really was not sure. As a young child, it was once said to me, “ooh, you are going to hell cause you did that.” Well, me in my young mind, I believed them. I didn’t know why God would send someone to hell, but they said it, so it must be true.
I would like to share with you about a time in my life when I discovered how good God really is. As I am sitting here listening to worship music, these thoughts come to mind and I feel compelled to write.
Years ago, I was a young woman and had made some choices that resulted in a pregnancy. I was not married. That season brought a lot of pain and joy all at once. The joy of giving birth. The pain of not being a mom to this child, as I chose adoption for his life. The joy of a bright future ahead. The pain of not knowing what life held without this child, as all I ever wanted was to be a mother. I didn’t really trust too many people because of some circumstances in my life. Therefore, me getting outside help, counsel was limited. It is tough when one has buried grief. No one knows why you hurt and at times the pain was so deep, I just wanted to die. I wanted the pain to end.
In 1990, this precious baby boy was born. It is such a joy to know his life has meaning and purpose and God gave me the strength and grace to choose life.
What got me to thinking is where I am today. Along the journey there were a few ladies who have the same name and each one, chosen by God, to keep me moving forward into God’s purpose for my life. The first one was sent with her daughter at a women’s retreat. It was post adoption and the speaker happened to be an adoptee. I remember their incredible kindness. What surprised me about that retreat is how God turned it into a time of healing for birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive mothers. I encountered God in a very real and tangible way.
I think at a separate retreat, I was pretty buried in grief and my son had turned 4. I didn’t know how to go forward. My heart was broken and in the word of God, it says He binds up the brokenhearted. After I left the retreat, the attorney’s office who handled the adoption contacted my friend who I had lived with while pregnant. They had a letter and current photos. That brought so much joy to me. I needed to know he was okay, that I had made the right choice. The desire to be a mom persisted in my heart. It would be a couple more years until I became a mom with my husband and God graciously allowed this son to be born the day before my birthday. I believe He was God’s gift to me, such an incredible gift to fulfill that desire to be a mother.
Through each of these encounters with God, I came to learn that He is a GOOD God. He showed the highest form of love when He sent his one and only son to the cross to take the place for our sins and make us right with God. I love that He pursues us and desires relationship with us and wants us to KNOW Him intimately, what He is like and how He thinks.
My prayer is that you will seek Him and find Him.