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Special Guest Articles

Spiritual Realm Update – Prophet Lance Wallnau

Hello Firestorm:

This Resurrection week I find myself pondering on some things in the Bible and a message from Lance Wallnau, which brought spiritual insight. I am also enclosing an article from Rabbi Ari Kahn below concerning why the 10th plague came against the first born.

Today, would you will consider grabbing some oil and putting it on the top and sides of your entrance doors? Prophetic acts are powerful in the sight of Yahweh.

Keeping our Nation, our President and our Leaders in my prayers.

Come Lord Jesus!!!!!

Blessings, bon


Passover Call to Prayer For Our Nation


When warfare and stress hit we are tempted to revert back to the old nature to get relief

When warfare and stress hit we are tempted to revert back to the old nature to get relief. But sometimes you can catch it and do something like sing! Join me. Oh my voice is shot at the end of a day talking too much, but still the anointing will rise up. Let’s sing about the 🩸 blood. Watch the atmosphere shift.👉🏻Follow Lance Wallnau

Posted by Lance Wallnau on Tuesday, April 7, 2020


Why Were First-borns Killed?

Rabbi Ari Kahn




It has always bothered me why all of the first-borns in Egypt had to suffering in that final, devastating plague. There is no mention in the verses of the common Egyptian being particularly bad to Hebrews so as to deserve such punishment. Furthermore, other Egyptians – like Pharaoh’s daughter who rescued Moses – actually did good. It appears that only Pharaoh and his governmental apparatus seemed bent on evil. Could you explain?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The killing of the first-born stands out from all the other plagues as Divine retribution directed toward Pharaoh and all of Egypt. The Midrash (based on the verse, “Behold, I will slay your son, even your first-born” – Exodus 4:23) teaches that initially when God sought to bring the plagues upon Egypt, He intended to commence with the plague of the first-born. (The other plagues were a reaction to Pharaoh’s insolence.)

In order to fully understand this plague we must appreciate the hierarchy within Egyptian civilization. It was a society ruled by primogeniture. The first-born had absolute power within the family unit. Pharaoh was the first-born of the first-born of the first-born. It was from this birthright that he exercised power.

The attack against the first-born was therefore a powerful polemic against the entire culture of Egypt. The eldest ruled the younger siblings. This is why having slaves was so important to the Egyptians. This gave the lower classes someone else to control and dominate.

The Netziv (Naftali Zvi Yehuda Berlin) explains this idea based on the song that was sung after the splitting of the sea: “Then sang Moshe and the people of Israel this song to the Lord, and spoke, saying, I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously… the horse and his rider has he thrown into the sea.” (15:1, 15:21)

The main part of the song seems to be the idea of “horse and the rider.” The Netziv explains that this verse encapsulates the defeat of Egypt: the philosophy of the “horse and the rider.” As the rider rides on the subjugated horse, so must the rider listen to the officer, and that officer listen to the general, and that general listen to the commander-in-chief.

According to Netziv, this describes the horrors of the Egyptian society, a series of horse and riders, where the Jewish slaves became the bottom of the proverbial “totem pole” – the lowest horse supporting the entire structure. This is why they were loath to release the slaves, since the entire society would crumble without them.

We now understand why the death of the first-born was so essential to the Exodus, and why the splitting of the sea evoked such a powerful response. The “horse and rider” philosophy had sunk at sea. The death of the first-born was the beginning this final chapter of liberation, where the leading “riders” were to die.

We now understand that the death of the first-born was not just another sign of Divine might. No, this plague struck at the very epicenter of the Egyptian civilization, and paved the way for liberation.

In Judaism, as we have seen numerous times, birth does not guarantee position. A Torah scholar who has tainted lineage takes precedence over a high priest who is ignorant.

The entire book of Genesis, in fact, is a polemic against the older son. Abraham was not a first-born. Isaac was not a first-born. Jacob was not a first-born. Joseph was not a first-born. Even King David was not a first-born. (Midrash Rabba – Bamibar 4:8)

It is only Jacob’s willingness to serve God which transformed him into a “first-born.” On the other hand, “real” first-borns have lost their status. Originally the Temple service devolved upon the first-born, but when they committed the Sin of the Golden Calf, the Levites were privileged to enter in their stead. (Midrash Rabba – Bamidbar 4:8)

One day the Messiah himself will merit to be called a first-born. He will help teach the world that being a child of God transcends lineage. Indeed, being a first-born of God is about how we lead our lives – the manifestation of the image of God within, not a question of sequence of birth.


I pray we will trust in no other god’s, but Yahweh
And begin a cleansing and purification of our Nation
In the Name of Yahshua
Father heal us and set our heart and feet back on Your path


Have You Considered My Church “JOB – ACT 2″ – Anton van Reenen – 04/06/20

Have You Considered My Church

“JOB – ACT 2″

By Anton van Reenen

There was a day that Satan came before the Lord, and the Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my church, how they gather every Sunday, and praise and worship My Holy Name. They do this year in and year out, every Sunday morning, all over the world. From the time the sun rises in the east until the sun sets in the west, My Name gets glorified, like a wave washing over all the earth.”

Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Have you not blessed them with health and wealth and prosperity, with which they have built beautiful church buildings, and filled it with amazing technology? Have You not blessed them with all manner of talents that they bring together in these beautiful churches they built and worship You with beautiful music that appeals to their senses?”

“But stretch out Your hand, and take all that from them, strike them down with a plague or even just the fear of a plague, and they will go quiet and worship You no more. This wave of worship, running from the east of the earth to the west, every Sunday morning will stop, and all will go quiet. Who will worship You then? Who will still make Your Name great?”

And the Lord said to Satan, “They are in your hand.” So Satan unleashed a deadly virus upon the earth, and soon churches closed all over the world. Everyone, Christians and gentiles hunkered down in their homes, and everything went quiet… and Satan was standing there, watching, waiting, all the angels were standing in heaven, watching, waiting and God was standing there, watching, waiting… as a great silence fell over all the heavens and all the earth.

Then one angel called out; “Listen…!”, and another called out; “I hear it too… it’s coming from the east”. In a small living room, in a locked up house, came the sound of a piano being played, and a voice singing;

“Holy, holy, holy, Though the darkness hide Thee,

Though the eye of sinful man thy glory may not see,

Only Thou art holy; there is none beside Thee,

Perfect in power, in love, and purity!”

And another angel called out “Listen, over there, in the west!” And the sound of a guitar, coming from a bedroom could be heard with a voice singing;

“All hail King Jesus, All hail Emmanuel!

Kind of king, Lord of lords, Bright Morning Star!

And for all eternity, I’ll sing Your praises,

And will reign with You, throughout eternity”

And slowly, from all directions on the earth, the sound of instruments and voices could be heard, louder and louder, until it became a symphony of worship, rising up to heaven. A cacophony of song, praising God, declaring His greatness, thanking Him for His grace, His mercy, His forgiveness. Songs of dedication and declaration, songs of encouragement, songs filled with the joy and peace that can only come from God, sung by thousands of men and woman, young and old, wherever they were, accompanied by whatever means they had.

And God turned to Satan and said; “Did you notice… today is Tuesday! Now, My church, having been freed from all the business that filled their lives, worships Me every day of the week, for they still know that ‘I Am’! The wave of worship that runs from sunrise in the east until sunset in the west now circles the earth, every day, as the earth circles the sun.”

And all of heaven fell down on their faces and worshipped God, calling out “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of His Glory!”. And Satan turned and walked away, defeated as he has been since the day of Calvary.

A word from Anton van Reenen:

“I want to encourage you today, in this unprecedented time in the history of man, to not let your voice go quiet, to not pack your instrument away. All of creation and all of heaven is standing still right at this moment, waiting, watching… Now is the time to make your voice heard throughout the heavens, now is the time to pour out your heart before God.

“There is now no audience, there is no tech, it’s just you before the Lord. Seek Him in this time, draw near to Him through worship. If you have never done this before, discover the beauty and blessings that come with intimate, personal worship of God.”


Raymond E. Ashmore, D.Min.
Imparting Life Ministries
Across The Earth
Hillsong Worship


Hope Times 2
Chaplain Scott Coy
March 24, 2020

Genesis 7:7

And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons’ wives with him, into the ark, because of the waters of the flood.

I remember my Great Grandmother Lillie, once wrote me a letter and in it she said: “I suppose every generation gets their trial.”

When Noah entered the ark, he had the expectation of leaving the ark, he knew the flood waters would rise but he had the expected hope that they would recede, and they did.

There are two types of hope in the Hebrew, unfortunately we get the same word for both meanings. Noah had a type of hope that in Hebrew is called: YAKHAL a hope that he could wait upon the LORD to end the storm and that the waters would recede, a hope in the LORD to bring the trial to an end.

The second type of Hope is: QAVAH, it’s a feeling or a tension similar to a cord that is being stretched, stretch hard enough and the cord will break thus releasing the tension.

When we hope in the LORD we are reminded of His past deliverances, we look back on all the times He saved us from trials and disasters and even death, He always pulled me through. Maybe what I see as personal failures God sees as victories?

It seems like our generation has come into our own flood, we must symbolically enter the ark and see this through, trusting God to bring us to dry ground. It’s a test of two hopes.

Genesis 8:4

And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.

Have you ever noticed that, the ark started in the depths of a valley, and when it came to rest it was on top of the mountain?

Maybe God is bringing you to a new level, closer to Him.

He is Jehovah-Shammah
The Lord is There


Chaplain Coy


Zech. 4:6 Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit saith the Lord



When Mike Bickle and his team at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) decided to indefinitely suspend their popular Onething conference late last year, Bickle didn’t realize his decision was the most recent example of a curious trend in charismatic ministries. Throughout 2018, Spirit-filled ministries around the world announced the end of beloved programs, conferences or even the entire ministry. The decisions came not due to scandal, bankruptcy or lack of success—rather, each one came because God told them to end it.


But Bickle couldn’t have known this two to three years ago, when he first began seriously mulling a reset for IHOP. The Onething conference got its name from Luke 10:42, in which Jesus told Martha, “One thing is needed. And Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken from her.”


In an ironic twist, over its 19 years of operation, Onething had become more emblematic of Martha than Mary, as IHOP staff so cheerfully busied themselves with innumerable ministries and conferences that their own spiritual and interpersonal relationships were neglected. Bickle could sense the advent of the writing on the wall.


“In the IHOP world, we’ve got more and more activity and more and more people visiting,” Bickle says. “Our footprint globally is growing. We’re busy bees, and we’ve drifted from the Mary of Bethany heart-response as a core response in our ministry. In the early years, this was so big to everybody, and so everyone would agree that we were not actually walking it out.”


Bickle says the Lord made it clear to him last summer that radical steps were needed. IHOP needed a reset, and that meant nonessential activities and events must be removed. That included Onething, an annual conference that drew over 20,000 people each year for the last 10 years. Onething was IHOP’s biggest conference of the year, and Bickle says it motivated more people to join their Bible school and staff than any other single event.


Yet if IHOP was to truly focus on the one thing, Onething had to go. So did every other IHOP conference.


“The Lord just said, ‘I want you to reconnect on this,'” Bickle says. “‘Draw back. Go deep with Me, and then second, go deep with one another in community and family. Let’s spend more time talking and interacting with each other and with Me, and then I’ll breathe on you, and I’ll help you go back to more increased activity in the future.’ The activities are good. There’s nothing wrong with the activities. But all of them together meant we’re weren’t spending quality time with the Lord like we used to, and we weren’t spending the quality time with each other that’s necessary for the kingdom community to operate.”


In early October, Bickle announced in an online video that IHOP would “reset,” but didn’t provide details until a November video clarified that Onething 2019 would be the final Onething. Between those videos, Lou Engle surprised Bickle and the rest of the Spirit-filled world with announcement of his own: TheCall would end in preparation for his new ministry, The Send.


Just two weeks before Onething, Bickle heard news that Soul Survivor—an influential, annual charismatic event in the United Kingdom helmed by Mike Pilavachi—was ending for good after its summer 2019 conferences.


“I love Mike Pilavachi,” Bickle says. “We’ve become real good friends over the years. I had no idea he was ending. Three people told me that, [and] I went, ‘Really? Why?’ I asked the same questions everyone’s asking me: ‘Why? What’s the real reason?'”


And during Onething 2019, Bickle met his friend Dr. Johannes Hartl, founder of the Augsburg Prayer House (known in Germany as Gebetshaus Augsburg). The ministry hosted an annual Spirit-filled conference called MEHRS which reached over 10,000 people annually—at least until Hartl and his team heard God telling them to cancel this year’s conference.


“I was quite surprised by this,” Bickle says. “I heard these stories one by one and went, ‘No way!’ Each one of them completely surprised me. We made our decision in a vacuum. We were not communicating with others about this.”


With so many Spirit-filled conferences and ministries voluntarily closing down, Charismaspoke to these ministry leaders to learn what the Holy Spirit is doing and how these endings pave the way for the next generation of charismatics.


Unique Endings


Soul Survivor first began in summer 1993, after Pilavachi—who was then the youth pastor of St. Andrew’s Church, an Anglican church in Chorleywood, England—got the idea to plant a church in Warford and start a festival in Somerset. Both ministries—distinct yet sharing the name “Soul Survivor”—were focused on reaching unchurched people for Christ. Pilavachi described his vision as an event “where we don’t take ourselves seriously, but we take Jesus very seriously.”


The first festival drew 1,893 young people, stunning Pilavachi and his team. Attendance incrementally increased by thousands each year. In recent years, Soul Survivor has held four conferences across England and Scotland every summer, drawing over 30,000 attendees per year. Despite Pilavachi’s Anglican roots, the conferences are also unabashedly charismatic, drawing heavily on the influence of the Vineyard Movement and its late founder, John Wimber.


“What we wanted to do was be open to the ministry and the power of the Holy Spirit but also make it as accessible as possible,” Pilavachi says. “Our heart was for young people to have an encounter—’encounter’ was one of our key words—but also for that encounter to be accessible—not spiritual, not super weird. So our job was always to explain as much as we could what was going on, even if a lot of times I just had to say, ‘You know what? I don’t know what’s going on; you don’t either, but Jesus sent His Holy Spirit, so we’re going to trust it’s Him and find out what happened from the people afterwards.’ We created an atmosphere of family and community, an atmosphere where young people knew they weren’t going to be manipulated or hyped up.”


Pilavachi says his great joy as an old man is that almost every day he receives letters, emails and Facebook messages from people who tell him they became Christians at Soul Survivor and are now serving the kingdom. But four years ago, Pilavachi began wondering if a 60-year old was really the best leader for a youth movement. He told his leadership team he felt it was time for him to move on—though he would continue pastoring his home church, Soul Survivor Watford.


He assumed the conferences’ leadership mantle would fall to Andy Croft, a Cambridge graduate and former intern for Pilavachi who ascended over 14 years to become a key leader. But Croft sensed God was telling him to reject the leadership role, feeling called to the local church rather than the conferences. So the leadership team began looking at an outside hire. It was not something Pilavachi felt comfortable with.


“We’re trying to move away from the whole process of businesses hiring and firing employees,” Pilavachi says. “In a business, you do that. In a church, you raise up sons and daughters. … Too many churches are looking for the finished product. We have to make space for people to grow and develop. If you have a 6- year-old, and you tell them to load the dishwasher, and they do a bad job, you don’t sit them down and say, ‘I’m sorry, but you did a bad job. We have to let you go. We’re bringing in a new 6-year-old from across the way.’ No, you teach them. You go through the process. You do it with them until they’ve got it.”


Pilavachi, who has spoken publicly about his distaste for ministries “hiring the best” from other ministries, hoped to avoid that for Soul Survivor. The team agreed. But then several team members came to Pilavachi individually and told him, “When you stop, Mike, I will stop.”


Croft, in particular, told Pilavachi, “When God spoke to me, He never said, ‘It was about Soul Survivor.’ It was about serving with you.”


With a whole team ready to leave, Pilavachi realized any outside hire would simply be set up to fail. Then he asked the hardest question: “Is the Lord saying we should stop?”


“When we first asked that question, I told the board, ‘It can’t be,'” Pilavachi says. “‘We can’t stop. What about the kids? What will happen to them? There’s 28,000 of them. There’s nothing else that happens like this.’ Then two days later, the Lord spoke to me so clearly, in the nature of a little rebuke. He said to me, ‘When did they become your kids? When did they become your responsibility? They’re My kids. They’re My responsibility. I will look after them.’ Then a weight lifted off me. I said, ‘God, if You say to stop, then You know what You’re doing. We’re not You. We’re here to serve You.'”


The Soul Survivor leadership team prayed separately, came back together and agreed God was instructing them to end the ministry. But they waited three months before making the official announcement. In that time, Pilavachi had the decision prophetically confirmed.


“Before we said anything to anyone, we were getting prophetic words from people all over the world saying the same thing,” Pilavachi says. “Someone in New Zealand told me, ‘I see you as a trapeze artist. The Lord is saying you have to let go of the last trapeze in order to catch the next one.’ Someone who didn’t know us told us, ‘I could be wrong, but God wants you to lay this thing down, and as you lay it down, God will show you the next thing He has for you.’ This kept happening. It became clear. So it became easy.”


In June 2018, Soul Survivor announced its 2019 events would be the final conferences. Pilavachi says he’s both excited and at peace with the decision, though it’s not one he expected to make.


“I said it at the festivals years ago: ‘I hope one day God tells us to stop, and when He does we will be obedient,'” Pilavachi says. “The one thing I always said was, ‘God never said, “I’ll build my Soul Survivor.” He said, “I’ll build my church.”‘ We always felt we were here for a season to build the church, and for as long as God wants us, we will be here, but as soon as God wants us to hand off the reins, we’re done. And that’s what we did.”


Likewise, Engle didn’t know 2018 was the year he would end TheCall, but for seven years, he says, he held the ministry with open hands before God—knowing something would eventually happen. In 2011, Engle and several members of his inner circle gathered in his Kansas City living room to pray over what the Lord was stirring in their hearts. The group felt the Lord tell them, “There’s coming a shift to TheCall, and there will not be just fasting and prayer, but the proclamation of the gospel, signs and wonders, and stadiums will rebuild, and Billy Graham’s mantle is coming on the nation.”


Shortly before the 2018 death of Billy Graham, Engle began to pray for the next generation to receive a double portion of the renowned preacher’s evangelistic anointing. The Send—a new movement that held its first event Feb. 23 in Orlando, Florida—is the fulfillment of both those prayers and the 18-year ministry of TheCall. In an online letter to supporters, Engle explained that the Holy Spirit told him he needed to “end TheCall” so he could shift his focus to what Christ is doing now.


“The Lord encountered me on Easter morning of this year,” Engle says. “I felt strongly that unless a seed go into the ground and die, it cannot bear fruit, and that TheCall must die to bring forth resurrection power in America. For the last 20 years, God has used TheCall to gather hundreds of thousands in a John the Baptist-type movement to fast and pray in preparation for a Third Great Awakening. I am now convinced that TheCall must come to a glorious end. I celebrate this moment in my heart as I know what will come forth in the next generation as I pour myself out into sons and daughters for a new Jesus Movement and reformation in America.”


Hartl’s story of cancelling the 2019 MEHR conference looks different than Pilavachi and Engle’s—for one, MEHR is continuing, albeit less frequently than before. Still, the announcement of MEHR’s hiatus caught many in both the church and secular world by surprise, given the conference’s rapid success and growth. The first conference took place in 2008 with 120 people. After 10 years, MEHR 2018 drew over 11,000 people in person, with another 500,000 following on TV and radio or streaming it online.


Yet Hartl discovered the same lesson Bickle and IHOP were learning on the other side of the globe—success can make you lose focus on what’s most important. The Holy Spirit intervened.


“After a very busy year and a case of burnout in our leadership team, we took four weeks at the beginning of the year to seek God for direction,” Hartl says. “It felt like there might be a shift in the season. I personally clearly felt that the next year was not supposed to be ‘business as usual.’ So when we as a staff team came back together after four weeks, almost everybody agreed it was an important step to cancel the next conference and reduce some other meetings. This was a radical but very important step.”


Hartl’s MEHR conference will return in 2020, but it will happen less frequently than it did in the past. In its place for 2019, Hartl and his team will hold a smaller conference called SCHØN (German for “beauty”), designed to build a bridge between the Christian and secular communities.


Full Circle


Though the stories of these decisions share similar themes and contours, none of the decision makers involved knew of the other cases. In fact, Pilavachi only learned TheCall had ended during his interview with Charisma.


“I only found out [about Onething] last week,” Pilavachi says. “I just know God spoke to us and, knowing Mike, I know he would have sought the Lord, heard the Lord and tried to be obedient to Him. I’m sure the guys at TheCall did the same.”


In his 40 years of ministry, Bickle says he’s seen only one other move of God parallel these mass closings: the mass openings of houses of prayer 20 years ago.


“I haven’t seen a wave like this before—with one exception: in the prayer ministry,” Bickle says. “Twenty years ago when we started, I could think of a couple of prayer ministries on the earth that were going hard. … Then we started this, and within the next five years I ran into people who did not know us and we did not know them, and they all started their prayer ministries in a similar time frame that we did—1999, just like us. There was a huge growth spurt in 1999 with the 24/7 prayer movement. They were not started because we inspired them or repeated what they did. None of us knew each other. They just all started.”


Bickle says official numbers are hard to pin down, but he’s heard reliable estimates that suggest that as of 1985, there were 25 24-hour prayer rooms in the entire world. Today, there are over 20,000—and possibly more, depending how you interpret data from regions like Southern Africa and China.


“The number is unbelievable,” Bickle says. “There was no memo that was sent. It just all began. I’m sure some of them were inspired by others, but for many of them it was a grassroots display and evidence of the Holy Spirit. I’m always blown away by that fact.”


If the Holy Spirit could spontaneously begin all of these ministries, it seems plausible to believe He could end them just as abruptly if the season changed. Ending at the height of success seems like madness to the outside world—and even to many inside the church. But Hartl says this broader move is evidence that the Holy Spirit is leading ministries away from a business-style mentality of success and growth into a more relational model.


“God is not in the business of building ministries,” Hartl says. “He is building real people and real family. I believe there is a shift away from a worker mentality and a performance-driven ministry culture happening right now. The Lord really is very tender. He doesn’t use us as ‘tools.’ He wants us to be friends with Him and each other. But relationships take time. It is about a revelation of the family of God, where we find our identity in our being, not in our doing. I sense the Holy Spirit emphasizing this worldwide right now.”


Many Christians are quick to assume the worst if a ministry ends—because sinful scandal makes more sense than ending a good thing. But endings don’t have to indicate moral or economic failure. In fact, Pilavachi points out that in many ways, Jesus defied conventional models of success.


“I think in the church of Jesus we’re very good at starting things,” Pilavachi says. “We’re hopeless at ending them. Too many things go way past their sell-by date or best-before date. It’s about being obedient. You know, Jesus—if you look at His life—as soon as He gathered a crowd, … He’d say, ‘Let’s go from this place to some town or village where I’m not known.’ Jesus, that’s not very strategic. Where’s your PR consultant? You’re building something here and then you’re leaving. But we need to get back to those Jesus principles. Otherwise, we’re going to end up with not disciples, but consumers.”


New Beginnings


Many will view news of these conferences and ministries ending or going on hiatus as bad news. But most of the leaders involved view them as positive developments for a couple of key reasons.


First, doing less allows the ministries to return to their original focus—and do that even better. Bickle says he’s pleasantly surprised by this trend and views it as an opportunity to reassess what’s truly important.


“I’m just encouraged that a lot of folks are pausing,” Bickle says. “It’s really a pause to do a reset. It’s pausing to say ‘business as usual’ is not okay. Just growing numerically is not enough. If we’re not growing closer to the Lord and deeper true-kingdom relationships, then growing numerically leaves me empty. … I’m 63 years old, so I’ve been in ministry over 40 years. Just having a lot of people in the room doesn’t really grab my attention like it used to 25 years ago. If the arrow’s not moving forward, and we’re still the same, I’m just not interested.”


Second, endings create a space for new, younger leaders and ministries to come into their own, with the full backing and support of the previous generation. It’s a pattern God designed in nature itself: The sun must go down on one day so it can rise on another. Already, Pilavachi has seen the end of Soul Survivor will spawn three new Spirit-filled conferences in its place—led by young leaders who grew up in Soul Survivor. He’s determined to use his final year to help them get a running start.


“This summer, we’re going to hand over the baton to them,” Pilavachi says. “From the three of these leaders, there are three groups that are going to start something, and they’re going to come to our 2019 festivals. We’re going to introduce them. We’re going to tell everyone we think they’re wonderful, and we’ll give them a chance to lead a bit. Then the following year, in 2020, I will visit each one of them for a day and just wander around [their conference], being encouraging as much as I can. And I’m thrilled. I’m convinced they’ll do a better job than we could do in the coming years.”


And though TheCall is most obviously leading to The Send movement, that’s not the only ministry birthed out of TheCall’s end. Engle himself will lead Lou Engle Ministries. His friends and ministry partners Paul and Cheryl Amabile will launch The Briefing to promote prophetic words and intercession. Finally, Engle says he is releasing his spiritual son and daughter, David and Audry Kim, to lead a movement called Contend, which Engle says “will take a double portion of TheCall’s DNA and message of fasting, prayer and Nazirite consecration to the next generation and beyond.”


“For 18 years, I have never looked to build a ministry or a name, only to see America turn back to God and to help ignite missions and prayer in the nations,” Engle says. “This is my legacy: I am looking to the next generation of sons and daughters to carry this nation into its full purposes.”


With Onething on indefinite hiatus—Bickle says it will be “many years, at least five” before he’d consider revisiting it—IHOP can pursue relational intimacy with God and refocus on its 24-hour prayer ministry. Bickle calls it a shift to quality over quantity: faithfully executing God’s original call to ministry with narrowed focus and heightened excellence.


Pilavachi says he remains as excited as ever about the future of the charismatic movement.


“A number of people have asked me and said, ‘Won’t you be sad? Won’t there be something missing in your life?'” Pilavachi says. “The honest truth is we started it out of obedience. We believe we’re finishing it out of obedience. So it’s not difficult. Obviously, we’ll miss it, but we’re not stopping doing ministry. We’re not stopping serving Jesus. We’re just stopping doing this.


“For me, my life’s never been about Soul Survivor; it’s about Jesus. And the last I checked in, He’s not stopping next summer. He’s still carrying on. That’s all that matters.”

Joshua Olson is a freelance writer for Charisma.


Hello Everyone:

I enclosed an article below by Jill Rische, “When All Hell Breaks Loose.” It is encouraging to see others who are “seeing” the battle we are in and trying to spread the word to those who cannot yet see. The Watchmen on the Wall are sounding the trumpet.

“Hosea 4:6  My People Perish for a lack of Knowledge.”
 (My People Perish Because They Do Not SEE or understand Spiritual Things)

Bonnie’s Comments

Recently, at the Super Bowl 2019, there were statements made from Tom Brady celebrating his wife (from Brazil), as a witch. Many missed and/or dismissed this statement. However, it should be food for thought when witchcraft is casually (jokingly?) mentioned by one of our superstar football players and praised for its power to help him win a football game.

Yet no one seems to understand the depth of the statement, or the danger it released over this nation. How many people (young or old) who admire Tom Brady, will now be led (enticed/drawn) to enter into the occult, in order to try and learn how to use the power witchcraft to win a football game or whatever else they desire? One would be too many in my book.


What a wonderful testimony to the power of witchcraft from a seemingly successful role model for all of us, especially children, if they can get past the abortion stage, because abortion is directly linked to the witchcraft rising up in our Nation. If you look into the history of past generations you will discover witchcraft, the occult and false gods often called for the sacrifice of babies in exchange for power and things people wanted. Getting stuff you want through witchcraft and such comes at a high price…your soul.

And before you say Tom was just joking or if you believe white witchcraft is OK (thank you Rowling – Harry Potter), or if you really think you can honor Yahweh by being a Christian Witch, here is the written Word and warning of Yahweh, both in the Old and New Testament.

Let no one be found among you who sacrifices his son or daughter in the fire, practices divination or conjury, interprets omens, practices sorcery, Deuteronomy 18:10

I will destroy the magic charms you use and leave you without any fortunetellers.   Micah 5:12

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” Revelation 21:8

And, just for the record, Yahweh also said, I am the same yesterday, today and forever. James 1:17; Hebrews 13:8; which means, He has not changed His mind about witchcraft, sorcery, abortion (premeditated murder – thou shalt not murder) and our worship of other gods. He  still abhors these things, even in 2019 and forever.

Rumors of seances and such in past White House administrations continue to surface with no one realizing the depth of the infiltration witchcraft (rebelllion/lawlessness) has already released into our educational centers and society.  Add to that the increasing amount of people invading our Nation at our borders, not just from Mexico, but from other countries who worship other gods and you should be able to SEE – our culture is being assaulted from the outside, as well as from the inside.

There are only two kingdoms, the Kingdom of Yahweh (light/good) and the kingdom of Satan (darkness/evil). There has never been another time in our history where we, The United States of America, have been under the weight of the evil and deceptive physical and spiritual attacks we are now dealing with.

May Yahweh stir up the gift (beast) within us and remove the scales from those like Elisha’s servant who could not see the spiritual things all around him and encourage us to know Yahweh will fight for and with us, but He will not condone the use of witchcraft, murder and such in our Nation.

Arise Oh Church of Jesus Christ (Yahshua) and take your place to stand in the gap, repair the breach and destroy the works of the enemy. Be wise and put your Praise on because, “when” Prayer & Praise are used, they are two of the deadliest weapons in spiritual warfare.

 Glory to You Yahweh – You will have Your Army! In the Name of Yahshua
I hear the sound of an Army Rising, I feel the ground under my feet shaking
Holy Fire Fall, Holy Fire Fall


The Miracle of Holy Fire (Holy Light) 2017 – Footage from Jerusalem

The miracle of Jesus Christ Resurrection happened again. The Holy Light or Holy Fire appeared in the the Tomb of Jesus in Jerusalem. Orthodox Christians, thousands of pilgrims and locals, rejoice.

The Holy Fire ceremony in the Church of Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem.

The Holy Fire is the most renowned miracle in the world of Eastern Orthodoxy. It has taken place at the same time, in the same manner, in the same place every single year for centuries. No other miracle is known to occur so regularly and so steadily over time. It happens in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem, the holiest place on earth, where Christ was crucified, entombed, and where He finally rose from the dead

Read more: https://www.keeptalkinggreece.com/2017/04/15/the-miracle-of-holy-fire-2017-videos-jerusalem/


When All Hell Breaks Loose

By Jill Martin Rische

March 22, 2019


NOTE FROM JAN: The rising tide of evil is staggering and no one documents that better than Jill Martin Rische, the daughter of the late Dr. Walter Martin.  Jill has authored this issue of our twice-a-month e-newsletter. She ends on a positive note. The devil is a defeated foe!

Why is it that humans never learn from history? The vast majority don’t know or care about it, and so we are condemned to repeat it.

Today, we live in a Twilight Zone America, where the Leave it to Beaver neighbors of the 1950s have been replaced with nasty men in dresses, filling in for Mrs. Cleaver at the public library. We don’t care about the days when biology was scientific fact. We don’t remember when reputations mattered — so now we have drag queens — some of them with occultic-themed costumes and some of them sex offenders — as the new stars of Storytime for modern-day children.

Occult-themed drag queen story hour

Mr. Rogers’ Friendly Neighborhood is No More
The level of evil aimed at innocent children is off the charts and it doesn’t seem to faze people one bit. A recent social media scare warned about MoMo, the bird woman, who might pop up unexpectedly in children’s videos spouting violent suggestions and challenging young viewers to harm family, friends, and themselves.

Alarming media and celebrity warnings flew across the airwaves, urging parents to keep an eye on their child’s G-rated videos. It was a national response to an unconfirmed rumor, given by voices that remain silent as newborns are terminated outside of the womb. This is the insanity of a fallen world.

Welcome to the Fall of America

So many know nothing about how great civilizations fall. They don’t connect the historical fact that the rejection of God ALWAYS leads to the rise of evil. Today, we turn on our TVs or computers and see the glorification of everything vile that crushed ancient Israel and Rome — everything awful that destroyed seventeenth century France and twentieth century Germany.

But the lure of secret power is irresistible and though far weaker than the power of God, they choose it, “Being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart” (Eph 4:18). Where the occult thrives, there is no hope — malevolent evil always breeds despair. Today, clinical depression is a way of life in America and a billion-dollar drug industry sedates us, but cannot stop suicide rates from climbing.

Witchcraft Soars

Who could have guessed that the twenty-first century would bring a witchcraft boom? Its biggest cheerleaders are the media, who glorify it as a GOOD practice when all the evidence of history tells us it has always been evil. How do you fight a media blitz raving about Superbowls, super model wives and their cute little habit of closet witchcraft?
Patriot Quarterback, Tom Brady, thought he was doing something good when he shared special moments with his wife, Gisele, in an interview after his fifth Superbowl victory.

“You know I’ve learned a lot from my wife over the years. She always makes a little altar for me at the game, because she just wills it so much. She put together a little altar for me that I can bring with pictures of my kids, and I have these little special stones and healing stones and protection stones, and she has me wear this necklace, and take these drops she makes, and I say all these mantras, and I stopped questioning her a long time ago.”

Tom Brady and wife

Although Brady never used the word witch, every practice he mentioned has always been part of witchcraft. And so we see — as front page news — the worldwide image of two gorgeous human beings with a family of small children, relying on the potions, spell-casting, and soothsaying of a wife and mother consumed by the power of the occult.

What Would Sam Walton Think?

Who could have imagined that the family-friendly Walmart empire would have turned to absolute darkness? This linktakes you to the online ordering option where you can request just about anything of an occult nature you might like!

A popular Walmart product: Satanic goat head jewelry

Pentagrams, Masonic imagery, Baphomet on every item imaginable, and more, are proudly displayed!  Everything you can think of celebrates the devil in Walmart! Next time you stroll down their aisles, think twice before handing big dollars over to them.

Christian Witches?

As if the Brady’s propaganda were not enough, the “Christian Witch” (an oxymoron if ever there was one) has arrived on the American scene. This is their redefinition of witchcraft — a new and improved label — since the Bible clearly teaches that all witchcraft is evil.

But it is nothing new for Satan to present himself as an angel of light. Valerie Love, an ex-Jehovah’s Witness-turned-Christian-witch is simply marching to the same ancient drum. She believes in white witchcraft just like the Brady’s, even though biblically and historically, there is no such thing as a good witch.

But you can be seduced at her “Christian Witchcraft Magickal Convention” in Salem, MA in April. 

She has a “mystery school” as well. She says she is doing these things “for those who love Christ and the craft.” The “craft” would be witchcraft. There is a reason the Bible speaks of end-time strong delusion and this woman will lead many astray.

Evil Waxes Worse and Worse But We Are Not Without Hope

A famous writer once said, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” He wrote this about a world he loved — a country that was peaceful and secure, until the people rejected God. At the start of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln wrote that Americans turned their backs on God, and all hell broke loose.
This is the pattern of history and we are in the middle of a new storm — perhaps the final one. But God shows His love toward us, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Our hope is in His unfailing love. We must be salt and light in a very dark place, giving Him all the glory. The power of the occult is strong, but it is far weaker than God’s power and it fears US.
When it seems like all hell is breaking loose, how wonderful to know that this world is not our home. We have an eternity of incredible joy to look forward to a new heaven and a new earth. What will it be like? The lion will lie down with the lamb, there will be no more tears, no suffering, no evil people, no Satan and no death.

Dr. Kurt Koch, a twentieth century Lutheran pastor and 40-year warrior against the occult, puts it all into perspective. “Satan and all the hosts of darkness are a defeated foe. The triumphant theme of the New Testament is that ‘Jesus has disarmed the principalities and powers and made a public example of them, triumphing over them'” (Col. 2:15).

Also, be reminded, that an occult explosion is another sign of the lateness of the hour. The Bible references this in many places in a last days’ context  (II Timothy 3:13; Rev. 9:21).

We know how the book ends…and we win! “Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor. 15:57).

NOTE FROM JAN: Jill Martin Rische is an authority on today’s paranormal. Learn more of her work at


  She and her husband Kevin serve with Olive Tree Ministries. Jill manages our social media and also is a frequent on-air radio guest. Kevin is the ministry Administrator and radio producer.  



Mario Murillo



It is clear that, as the madness spreads and the church just wrings its hands, it is time for the eagles to leave the turkey-yard. You know who you are, you who are an eagle. There’s a fire inside you that you can’t put out. You are ruined for ‘Church-As-Usual.’

For too long you’ve been told to be a good little birdie. “Don’t ruffle any feathers!” But you just can’t stomach the stale kernels they toss to you. You must have fresh meat. All around you, the turkeys peck at the ground. But all you can see are the clouds and the sky, where you know you belong.

You long to be home, where the glory is. Your place is alongside the heroes of faith that changed the course of nations. “Survival-mode” teaching sickens you. The idea that tepid happiness is the goal enrages you.

You made the mistake of looking at old youtube.com videos. You saw Oral Roberts. You saw Kathryn Kuhlman. You saw Smith Wigglesworth. You jumped up and screamed, “But, where are the miracles today!?”

You made the mistake of listening to old preaching tapes, where you heard men and women preaching holy fire! They didn’t do monologues. They didn’t do stand-up comedy. They pulled the pin out of Bible verses, and flung them like a grenade to explode into the souls of their audience. You heard people sobbing at the altars. You heard them linger until something real and lasting transformed them.

Then something really painful happened to you…you looked at your generation. You saw the national cancer of wickedness. You saw the insane brainwashing. You saw the inadequate tactics of the church.

You became like David as he stared at the paralyzed army of Israel, cowering before a defiant Goliath.


So, now that you realize that the ‘SOMEBODY’ IS YOU, it is too late for you. The die is cast. You’ve gone too far to turn back. You now know too much. You feel like you should leave before you hurt someone…

You remember the verse, “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles.” (Isaiah 40:31).

Prayer is your escape from the prison yard of compromise and mediocrity. We’re not talking about the ‘gobble-gobble prayers’ you heard in the yard—we’re talking about falling before God and waiting upon Him until you come forth as pure gold.

What are we talking about? We are talking about prayer that heaven can’t resist, and hell can’t stand. The kind of prayer that breaks the grip of ancient demonic strongholds. Prayer that causes students begin to weep on campus, even though they do not know why. Prayer that fills people with the Holy Spirit. Prayer that removes fear, and installs unshakable courage to tell a generation the genuine Good News: the mighty Gospel—which is the unapologetic, undeniable, unstoppable power of God!

Eagles dare while turkeys stare!

Eagles are born out of prayer. They spring forth from the hand of God, fully convinced of their destiny and their goal. Let mistaken millennials protest against the AR-15. You take hold of John 17:15, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one.” That is your battle cry! You don’t want out. You know the Lord Jesus will keep you from the evil one! You are ready to soar into any nest of evil and destroy the works of the devil.

Where eagles gather, power is present. Where eagles gather, the deep purposes of Almighty God are revealed. Where eagles gather, there’s no self-pity, no encounter sessions, and no hiding in your ‘safe-space.’ When turkeys are transformed into eagles, they are equipped, they are ignited, and they are fitted for war.

Eagles must have a challenge. They yearn for a cause that will summon up all of their strength, talent, and time. They want something they can easily imagine doing for the rest of their lives.

It’s time for you to fly out of the turkey yard, and never look back!


God is Calling All Gideons Out of Hiding

J. Lee Grady


During one of the darkest times in ancient Israel, Midianite invaders began a campaign of terror. Everybody was hiding in caves and mountain strongholds. They had seen the Lord do miracles in the past to deliver Israel, but this time, they lost all faith.


But then the angel of the Lord visited a frightened young man named Gideon who was hiding in a winepress. Gideon assumed God had given up on Israel. I’m sure he was shocked when the angel greeted him by saying, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor” (Judg. 6:12b). He thought the angel was talking to the wrong person.


Warrior? Gideon felt like a wimp. Yet the angel announced that God had recruited Gideon to be a deliverer for the nation—and Gideon wasn’t having it! He gave the angel several reasons why he wasn’t qualified. “How shall I deliver Israel?” Gideon asked. “Behold, my family is the least in Manasseh, and I am the youngest in my father’s house” (Judg. 6:15b, NASB).


Gideon was trying to become history’s first draft dodger. But the Lord ignored each of his lame excuses. Finally, after a series of dramatic confirmations—including fire from heaven—Gideon suited up and headed to the battle. And he and his small band of 300 soldiers supernaturally defeated the Midianite hordes. The story proves that one person who trusts God is more powerful than the majority.


Wherever I go these days, I find that many Christians are in hiding. They may attend church. They listen to sermons. They sing worship songs along with everyone else in the congregation. But in their hearts, they have gone AWOL when it comes to actively engaging in ministry.


They are timid spectators, waiting for someone else to act. They have disengaged. They don’t believe God can use them. Like Gideon, they have a list of excuses: I’ve made too many mistakes. I’m too old. I’m too young. My family is a mess. I’m divorced. I don’t have any training. I struggle with addictions. I have too many doubts and hang-ups. I think God is disappointed with me.


This past weekend while I was preaching in a church in Georgia, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “I am calling all Gideons out of their hiding places!” This is the time for the weak to say I am strong. This is the time for spectators to get back in the game. We are heading into a fierce spiritual conflict, and we need all hands on deck!


Gideon’s story is in the Bible because every one of us is like him. All of us struggle to believe that God wants to use us to carry His message and His power to a broken world. All of us are tempted to hide in our caves.


Yet God puts His Holy Spirit in imperfect vessels! The apostle Paul told the Corinthians: “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves” (2 Cor. 4:7). If you have been in hiding, crawl out of your cave and take these important steps:


1. Let go of your shame. Many Christians don’t believe Jesus has forgiven them fully for their past sins. The devil loves to replay our sins over and over so we will wallow in condemnation. You must believe God’s Word and renounce the devil’s lies. Your sins have been washed away, and you have been made righteous.


2. Swallow your fears. Fear can paralyze. It will stop you from every taking a risk. Yet the Bible promises: “God has not given us the spirit of fear” (2 Tim. 1:7a, MEV). Gideon started out as a fearful man, but in the end, he became a champion. You can experience the same transformation.


3. Stop disqualifying yourself. I have met so many followers of Christ who think they are not really on the team. They hide in the shadows, take the back seats in church and never volunteer to do anything because they see themselves as misfits. Don’t you realize God loves to take failures and make them successful? If He can restore Peter—who denied Him three times—and make him an apostle, can’t He redeem your past mistakes?


4. Tear off every label. So many of us were programmed for defeat by our past experiences. Friends, teachers, bosses or family members may have belittled you. Bullies may have told you that you are stupid, ugly, irresponsible or useless. But those people do not have the ultimate power to define you. Let God heal you of those wounds.


5. Embrace your new identity. When Gideon had his encounter with the angel, he received a new name. He was called “Jerubbaal,” which means, “Let Baal contend against him” (Judg. 6:32b, NASB). The name clearly meant that Gideon became a serious threat after he struck down the false god Baal. The wimp had become a warrior!


Please stop hiding in the shadows. The alarm has sounded. We need you to suit up and run to the battle.


J. Lee Grady was editor of Charisma for 11 years before he launched into full-time ministry in 2010. Today he directs The Mordecai Project, a Christian charitable organization that is taking the healing of Jesus to women and girls who suffer abuse and cultural oppression. Author of several books including 10 Lies the Church Tells Women, he has just released his newest book, Set My Heart on Fire, from Charisma House. You can follow him on Twitter at @LeeGrady or go to his website, themordecaiproject.org.




Now is the Time of God’s Deliverance
Daniel Hughes


There’s An Army Rising Up

There’s an army rising up all across the globe to break every chain of the enemy. This army is the ARMY OF GOD and it looks just like YOU. It will include believers from every nation, denomination and from every walk-of-life. This isn’t about a church experiencing revival this is about Jesus whispering with a resounding and reverberating roar, ARISE to those who have ears to hear and hearts ready to obey in this NOW season.

As the Lord spoke through the prophet Isaiah, He also spoke to us Sunday, ARISE, SHINE for your light has come and the Glory of the Lord has risen upon you. Behold darkness will cover the earth, deep darkness will cover the peoples, but the Lord will rise upon you and His Glory will appear upon you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your rising (Isa. 60:1-2).

As God’s army rises up there will be an explosion of His glory all over the earth. As one can put a thousand to flight and two ten thousand, imagine the impact of the multitudes that ARISE AND SHINE in this hour. The brightest days are ahead of us.

Today you can choose to say yes to the command of the King and ARISE. You can choose to ARISE from your past, ARISE from your present and embrace the call to arms by your King. Regardless of your present circumstances, ARISE at the word of the Lord. Just as Gideon was in a pit, hiding and barely surviving, the word of the Lord to him was ARISE YOU MIGHTY MAN OF VALOR. In the natural, there was nothing mighty about Gideon, but God was not speaking in the natural. God was speaking to the man Gideon was called to be to his generation at his time and place in history. So ARISE and SHINE because there is an army rising up that will break every chain you’ve been ENLISTED!

Have a great week,
Word Alive Team


Do You Ever Wonder If God Is Good Or Bad

Cindy Cavender


Do you ever wonder if God is good or bad? I know there have been times in my life I really was not sure. As a young child, it was once said to me, “ooh, you are going to hell cause you did that.” Well, me in my young mind, I believed them. I didn’t know why God would send someone to hell, but they said it, so it must be true.


I would like to share with you about a time in my life when I discovered how good God really is. As I am sitting here listening to worship music, these thoughts come to mind and I feel compelled to write.


Years ago, I was a young woman and had made some choices that resulted in a pregnancy. I was not married. That season brought a lot of pain and joy all at once. The joy of giving birth. The pain of not being a mom to this child, as I chose adoption for his life. The joy of a bright future ahead. The pain of not knowing what life held without this child, as all I ever wanted was to be a mother. I didn’t really trust too many people because of some circumstances in my life. Therefore, me getting outside help, counsel was limited. It is tough when one has buried grief. No one knows why you hurt and at times the pain was so deep, I just wanted to die. I wanted the pain to end.


In 1990, this precious baby boy was born. It is such a joy to know his life has meaning and purpose and God gave me the strength and grace to choose life.


What got me to thinking is where I am today. Along the journey there were a few ladies who have the same name and each one, chosen by God, to keep me moving forward into God’s purpose for my life. The first one was sent with her daughter at a women’s retreat. It was post adoption and the speaker happened to be an adoptee.  I remember their incredible kindness. What surprised me about that retreat is how God turned it into a time of healing for birthmothers, adoptees and adoptive mothers. I encountered God in a very real and tangible way.


I think at a separate retreat, I was pretty buried in grief and my son had turned 4. I didn’t know how to go forward. My heart was broken and in the word of God, it says He binds up the brokenhearted.  After I left the retreat, the attorney’s office who handled the adoption contacted my friend who I had lived with while pregnant. They had a letter and current photos. That brought so much joy to me. I needed to know he was okay, that I had made the right choice. The desire to be a mom persisted in my heart.  It would be a couple more years until I became a mom with my husband and God graciously allowed this son to be born the day before my birthday. I believe He was God’s gift to me, such an incredible gift to fulfill that desire to be a mother.


Through each of these encounters with God, I came to learn that He is a GOOD God. He showed the highest form of love when He sent his one and only son to the cross to take the place for our sins and make us right with God. I love that He pursues us and desires relationship with us and wants us to KNOW Him intimately, what He is like and how He thinks.


My prayer is that you will seek Him and find Him.


Coming to Know Yahweh – Abba Father

Cindy Cavender


Most of our lives we were taught about growing up and becoming independent. However, I believe that Abba Father, the God of the universe had something completely different in mind. What if we were to teach our children to lessen their dependence on us and increase their dependency upon Him. Ultimately, our whole lives are about coming to KNOW Him as He is (John 17:3).




This thought came to me as I was spending time with the Lord and asking what He desired from me during this season. Several years ago, I remember having an opportunity to go to a woman’s conference far away in another state by myself. I cannot tell you I was too keen on this opportunity. I was encouraged by one sister in Christ, “have you ever asked God what He desired?” and my reply was “nope”. The title of that conference was The King’s Desire and the year was 2010. I bravely chose to go and sleep in a hotel not with the other ladies at the castle, because my trust levels just were not there. I already had so much anxiety about going away from everything I knew as familiar and comfortable and secure. That conference was a turning point for me about learning who God really is. I had been taught he had so many expectations of me and to keep my sin ledger short and other things. This was not the God that I encountered at that conference, nor has it been the God I encounter daily as I talk with Him about all that concerns me. There are days I feel like I am drowning, that I can barely keep my head above all that comes my way. Those are the days I know that I would perish apart from my relationship with Him. There have been many accusations in my mind: my own thoughts/imaginations, other’s words, and the accuser of the brethren’s accusations. In spite of being wounded by other’s actions and words I continue to trust Abba to teach me to trust people again, the ones He leads me to, to build me up and encourage me.



This morning as I was asking Him what He desired for this season, He told me that He desired I spend time with Him, for me to depend on Him and to trust Him. I had to look up the word depend, and it said to place trust, support, help, like a child depends on their parents. This is what made me desire to write this article.

I know there was a season of my life when I was a much younger lady and I thought I was ready to fly and be on my own, it was post high school, going into college. I was wrong. I was not ready for that next season and within 7 short months I was back at home trying to figure this adult thing out.

I continued to make not so great choices as I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do with my life. There were things I desired to do or be but lacked confidence in my ability to do so. A lot of my younger years, I lived in the shadow of my older brother who excelled in a lot of things, especially academically. Sometimes, he was a really hard act to follow. There came a point in my life, many years later when I was looking at the success of my brothers and the failure of my own life that a sister in the Lord said the following, “what is stopping you? You have the same DNA running through you that they do.” My reply was, “I guess I am”. I have never really seen my life as too significant. It seemed like others were better at this or that and I was just trying to find my place and what I was good at. I know from the time I was a young girl I wanted to be a wife and mom. That desire did not diminish as the years progressed. God granted that desire of my heart. I also desired to teach, and God granted that desire by allowing me to homeschool our older son. Now, I am in a new season and I was totally not prepared for this day. I did not have vision beyond the prior season. My days of being a mom are coming closer to a close as our youngest is 17 years old. I have anxiety wondering what the next season will hold and will I be any good at it? There are certainly times I have felt I have failed as a wife and mom. Recently, our older son affirmed that I had done well and would continue to do so with his younger brother. That was very encouraging on a day that I was dealing with some really negative thoughts.

Every time we face a situation in life, it gives us an opportunity to come to know God on a more intimate level and discover who He truly is.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.

I pray that your relationship with Abba Father will become closer and closer, and that you would discover how much He truly loves you!